Loving can hurt sometimes
by Ingret Daiane
Summary: All that Felicity Smoak can remember before the car accident that made her forget the last three years of her life, it was being married and happy with Oliver Queen. But what happened in those three years that no one dares to tell her?
1. Chapter 1

**Notes** : Hello people! This is my first fanfiction, actually I wrote it in portuguese and now I am (trying) to translate to english. I chose a song for every chapter, so it's a good idea you listen to the song while you are reading the chapter.

I really hope that you enjoy it!

Song: Photograph by Ed Sheeran

* * *

 **Chapter 1 - Photograph**

Loving can hurt

Loving can hurt sometimes

But it's the only thing that I know

And when it gets hard

You know it can get hard sometimes

It is the only thing that makes us feel alive

We keep this love in the photograph

We made these memories for ourselves

Where our eyes are never closing

Hearts were never broken

And time's forever it is frozen still

(Photograph - Ed Sheeran)

 **Felicity**

My head throbbed. Actually it seems there was a jackhammer trying to pierce my skull. My body was soft like jelly, I could barely move around without pain. My mouth was dry, I felt an enormous thirst. That seemed an epic hangover and the funny thing is that I do not remember having drunk last night.

I could bet that had Oliver's finger on this story, he probably should have brought that red wine that I love and there ... I sighed. There was nothing better than being married to Oliver Queen.

I groped the bed in search of my husband's rigid body, but I did not find him. I decided to call him, but my voice was hoarse and rough hurting my throat. I opened my eyes ready to face the sand-colored walls of my room and begging for an aspirin, but instead I saw a fluorescent light on the ceiling. I blinked several times to until the images to come into focus. That was definitely not my room. Everything was too white, with light blue accents. That was when I finally understood, I drank so much that I ended up in the hospital!

"I'm glad that you woke up! I'll call Dr. Snow. " Said the young woman sitting in the chair as she pressed one side of the bed button.

"What happened?" I asked raising my body trying to sit. That's when I felt a sharp stab in the back and immediately returned to lie. Oops, that did not look good!

"Do not apply excessive force! It is better to lie." The woman that entered the room wearing a white lab coat told me. "My name is Caitlin Snow and I am your neurologist."

I blinked my eyes trying to take it all. Why do I need a neurologist? I just drank too much! Seeming to understand my confusion, the doctor continued:

"You had a car accident on Friday night, and you are at Starling General Hospital, you fractured two ribs, you injured your right wrist and hit pretty hard with your head. Your car was coming from Central City to Starling City, when flipped over on the road" She explained.

I tried not to panic! Was Oliver hurt too?

"Oh my God! Did someone else get hurt?" I expressed my fear terrified at the possibility of a positive answer.

"No, it didn't. You were alone." I sighed with relief as she continued "Unfortunately your belongings were burned in the car when it went into combustion. The rescue team did a great job when they took you out of the car on time." She said with a half-smile. "Unfortunately we do not have your identification so I need you to tell me who you are and who I must warn."

"My name is Felicity Smoak Queen ... This is very strange… I can't even remember the car accident or the travel from Central City to Starling. "

"Do not worry, this is normal in car accidents. " She said giving me a friendly smile "Our brain tends to block traumatic memories of the day. Now I need to answer some questions while I check you."

"Of course"

I gave Dr. Snow all the necessary information, name, address, ID, and Oliver's phone number. He must be going crazy without news about me.

"Now, get some rest." She said smiling as she closed the door. "Tomorrow one Central City police expert will talk to you."

"Police?" I asked worried "But you said there were no casualties."

"Do not worry, this is a usual procedure for all accidents." She said, but I was still worried "Just rest, ok?"

I did not want to sleep, I wanted to be awake when Oliver arrived. I wish I could hug him and feel his delicious scent and it was thinking about him that in a few minutes I succumbed to sleep.

When I opened my eyes for the second time, the fluorescent light did not bother me so much. This probably because I had something better to look... Oliver was sitting on the couch across the room with his elbows on his knees and hands on his face ... I knew he was suffering.

"Honey …" I called him. I wanted to get him out of that trance and also I wanted him to come closer. I needed him to be closer. Will I ever heal me that my addiction to Oliver Queen? It had been since our first meeting in Queen Consolidated I.T. department, he just say my name once and I was already in love.

He was physically different, with shorter hair and unshaven. That scared me. The last thing I remembered was a beardless Oliver and hair a little longer. I made a mental note to ask him how many days I spend at the hospital.

Oliver looked tense. He took faltering steps to me, I saw in his eyes a mixture of worry and fear. His face contorted with grief to see me. Was I that bad? Damn, I should have asked for a mirror before leaving my husband to see me with a face full of bruises and tousled hair! Did I have some gruesome scar?

"Hey..." He approached the bed uncertain. "How are you?" And his voice was enough to get me out of my reverie.

"A little sore, but better to have you here with me." I said, sitting up and ignoring the pain. I sought his hand and held it with my hand that was without immobilizer. I immediately felt that sense of comfort and forgot all my pain.

He looked confused and sad. His eyes were analyzing me deeply in search of something I could not define.

That's when I noticed something wrong. Something very wrong.

"Oliver… Where is my wedding ring?" I asked staring at our hands. The golden ring glittered on his ring finger, but my hand was completely empty.

Between his eyebrows had a crease, his lips pursed in a frown. I knew well that face. He was angry at something.

"Felicity ..." He started to say, but he was interrupted by the arrival of another doctor that I did not know with doctor Snow. She was holding in her hands a white folder with my name on the front. There was a crease between her eyebrows. She did not seem very happy.

"Felicity, I need you to answer me something." She said approaching with that annoying little flashlight in my eyes. It did not look good. She was with that face of Grey's Anatomy doctors when they need to give bad news to the patient. Even she was accompanied by another doctor, I bet it was to give her some moral support. My brain was already plotting all the possibilities. It would be a tumor? Do I have three more months of life? Will they amputate my leg?

Beside me Oliver shook my hand, I felt his tension. But I knew he would be with me whatever happened. For better or for worse, we promised.

"What day is today?" That was a bad taste joke? Right? Here I am ready to receive my death sentence and she asks me it?

"April 23, 25 maybe? I do not know how many days I was here ..."

"What year?" She questioned nonchalantly.

"2012!" I replied without hesitation.

Oliver was stunned, his eyes probed my face in disbelief. His hands shook mine and he seemed to lose the air for a second.

"Felicity, today is May 18, 2015" Doctor Snow said "I checked the results of the MRI and found a lesion in the temporal lobes, sorry. Apparently you forgot the last three years."

"Oh God, is there a treatment? I'll remember soon?"

"I'm sorry, this is not an exact science. The memories can come back tomorrow, as you can never come back. You can do some sessions with..."

"I do not believe! You can not ... It's a nightmare!" I was freaking out. Oliver sat on the edge of the bed and he hugged me rocking like a child and kissing the top of my head.

"Hey, calm down, you'll be fine. I am here with you."

"I do not believe! When I went to bad yesterday I was 26 years old and today I woke up and I am 29!" I said in a whimper.

That was enough for everyone in the room laugh, including Oliver. He was much lighter now. I saw no reason for relief! I was old! I needed a mirror urgently, not to check my bruises, but my wrinkles!

I lost three years of my life! Three years! I did not even know who the president of the United States anymore. Or if we were at peace with the Middle East. Or which version of Windows we use in 2015. And the worst I missed a season and a half of Doctor Who, that's not fair!

Oliver did not seem a bit worried about my amnesia. He simply said that we would make new memories, better than the others. He said he would make me so happy that I would not even want the old memories back!

I will finally have my medical release! After two days I was sick of that red gelatin with water taste. Oliver promised me he would buy me a big belly burger, unfortunately we could not go to the snack bar because I should be in bed resting! For long three weeks! And Oliver took orders medical seriously... Unfortunately.

An expert of the Central City police, Barry Allen was in my room in the morning, he asked me some questions about the car accident and then I explained my case of amnesia. He seemed a little disappointed, but he was so nice that suddenly we were just talking about completely random things until Oliver come and shoo him unceremoniously.

Sara also came to visit me. We talked for hours and I discovered that she and Nyssa finally get married.

"I can't believe that I missed your wedding!" I said really upset.

"You have not lost it , you were there. You were the maid of honor!"

When Oliver arrived he seemed a little annoyed to find Sara there. I could have sworn I had a tension between them. Oliver did not want Sara to be here. I thought I was imagining things, but I heard a conversation very suspicious of them outside the room.

"Please do it for me Sara. I'm begging you." Oliver asked.

"I will not do this for you, I will do for the well-being of Felicity." Sara replied coldly and then she left.

This left me rather upset because apparently my best friend and my husband fought in those three years that I lost.

I saw Oliver turning the knob and I ran to the bed, no way he would get me snooping. I started to move the clothes that the nurse left there, the ones I was wearing on the day of the accident. I do not know why they gave me back this, it's not like I wanted a souvenir.

"I've already signed all the paperwork, you're finally free to go home." Oliver said smiling and giving me a kiss on the forehead.

I decided to get rid of the doubt that tormented me.

"Is it everything good between you and Sara? I felt a tension between you two." I said nonchalantly while I folded the clothes.

"What? We're fine. We're just worried about you."

I looked into his eyes. Why was he lying to me? I sighed returning to work double my jeans. That's when from the pocket fell a photo, and for more that I was upset with the lie I could not hold the smile. It was a picture of me with Oliver on our wedding day.

"I love this picture" I said showing it to Oliver. "I should know that it would be with me at the accident, I usually take it everywhere I go. So I miss you less.

His eyes gleamed thrilled for me and a huge smile lit up his face.

"I love you so much it hurts." He said in a voice choked feeling.

I did not want his love for me hurt, I just wanted to make him happy. But before I could say that, he pulled me gently around the waist with one hand, while with the other he outlined the outline of my lips. My whole body tingled with the touch. Our breaths mingled and suddenly his lips met mine and his tongue demanded passage. That slow and torturous kiss was driving me crazy. It's make me want more and more. But too soon Oliver stopped the kiss.

We both smiled at each other.

I felt a connection with Oliver that I never felt before. It was love, desire, passion, complicity. The perfect relationship.

Sooner or later I would find out what was happening to him and Sarah. But at that time I had two certainties: 1) Oliver Queen loves me. And 2) I loved him too. And that was enough.

"Let's go home." I said taking his hand and walking to the exit.

* * *

 **Notes** : So... what do you think? If you notice some mistakes, please tell me and I'll fix it. ;)

Bye, bye!


	2. Chapter 2

Notes:

Hey, =D

Thank you for all support on the first chapter!

* * *

 **Chapter 2 - Nightmare**

Every night I rest in my bed

With hopes that maybe

I'll get a chance to see you

When I close my eyes

I'm going out of my head

Lost in a fairytale

Can you hold my hands

And be my guide?

Clouds filled with stars cover your skies

And I hope it rains

You're the perfect lullaby

What kind of dream is this?

(Sweet dreams - Cover Leroy Sanchez) 

**FELICITY**

Home did not mean our cozy apartment near of the Glades. But a modern penthouse in the city center. I did not recognize anything there. To be honest I did not like anything there. It was all so monochromatic. And why is there so many stainless steel?

I didn't feel at home. The room was huge and basically consisted by a giant plasma TV, a sofa in "L" in black leather (looked uncomfortable), a small table made of glass in the center and a clear carpet, the windows covered by persian blinds prevented any light to illuminate the place. It was all so artificial, there was no color, and there was no life. Do we really have a dining room? This made no sense we always ate in the living room at the floor! And the kitchen. Oh My Gosh. It was the queen of stainless steel! In appliances, in cabinets, in the countertops, I could barely move myself without see my reflection somewhere. I wondered how I cooked there.

Oliver followed me anxiously meanwhile I analyzed every detail of our apartment. I thought he was expecting that I will remember something. But the place does not make me feel anything. My mind was a complete blank. If it weren't for the frame with pictures of our wedding in the living room sideboard, I'll probably doubt that one day I actually had lived there. I got to the bedroom, and I saw the same palette of black, gray and white and a huge king size bed in the middle.

"huh..." I said unconsciously, while I analyzed what should be our love's place.

"Only huh?" Oliver asked with his anxious eyes.

"Everything is kind of male… Don't you think? It needs a little color. Where are our old furniture? Are you sure that I agree to leave our old, but adorable apartment and move to this? Voluntarily?" I asked placing both hands on my waist and narrowing his eyes.

He gave a humorless smile, he approached hugging me from behind as he whispered in my ear. My entire body just wake when I feel him so closed to me.

"It is close to Queen Consolidated... And you can change whatever you want." He said treading kisses in my ear until the base of my neck leaving me completely shivery and making me completely forget how much I had hated this apartment. Oliver was very good at distracting me.

"Oliver ..." I turned to him, staring at his hungry eyes "We can keep the bed, it seems to be warm and tough ..." I said suggestively.

He gave a throaty laugh and he shaved his beard on my face, it scratched a bit, but... Oh. My. Gosh. It was so sexy. I totally should have begged him to let that unshaven. The second kiss was more intense than the first at the hospital. It was hungry and urgent. His hands would not left my body for a second and they insisted under my shirt. Our tongues moved in line as if they were dancing the same dance. Our panting breaths mingled. I needed more contact, more skin to skin. I unbuttoned his shirt and moved my hands all over his abdomen. He took my shirt off and soon we were fully delivered to the moment.

I already knew where I wanted to end it. I tried to pull him to bed, but Oliver realizes where I wanted to get it and reduced the intensity of the kiss. He pushed me slowly and kindly from his arms. He took his shirt on the floor and put it on, ending all my happiness.

"You need to rest and heal first." He said reluctantly putting a safe distance between us. My only satisfaction was to realize that he wanted to continue what we started as much as I wanted.

"Three weeks is a very long time." I complained making a pout.

"It could be worse, it could be three years." He said, and the bitterness in his voice surprised me. "You should take a shower while I prepare our dinner." He continued with his voice a little slightest this time. He approached and left a chaste kiss on my forehead.

"I'll take a cold shower, apparently" I said in dismay.

He just smiled leaving me alone in the bedroom. The bath was strange, probably because I didn't know where anything was in that huge bathroom. But the strangest thing was when I opened the side of the closet that Oliver indicated as mine. There were many clothes there, many still with the label, I recognized a few, but the most I didn't even remember having bought. My jewelries were there and my makeup too. But the systematic seems all wrong, I used to divide my clothes by color and there was all a messy.

Unsure of what I should wear, I chose lingerie and I wore an Oliver's shirt over it. It was comfortable, simple and the best… it had his scent.

The "making dinner" of Oliver Queen meant order food at Big Belly Burger fulfilling the promise he had made to me. Not that I'm complaining I love those super salty fries. We ate in the living room on the floor while we were watching TV.

After dinner, we snuggled on the couch (which I found to be very comfortable), and I try to catch up on some late episodes of my favorite series. Oliver had the trouble to buy all them.

I love Oliver, but he's a complete denial when the subject is TV series, or anything that comes close to the word nerd. So his fun it was to test my concentration on TV while he distracted me with his kisses and caresses ... I wanted to say that I managed to ignore it, that I was strong enough, but I failed miserably.

After five episodes of Doctor Who I was yawning for the tenth time when Oliver gave the ultimatum:

"Okay. That's enough, it's time to go to bed ... You're almost sleeping here."

"Honey ... just more one episode." I begged doing my traditional pout.

"No" he said concluding that subject. "And do not point to pout. It loses, when your health is a priority. Discussion is closed."

Oliver just got up and picked me up, like a good caveman, taking me into the room and he placed me gently on the bed covering me with a blanket and all of it. I waited for him to join me in the bed. But he just turned off the light and walked toward the door.

"Hey ... Where are you going?" I asked him, almost in a panic. Was he leaving me here alone?

"You need to rest and I thought it would be better if I ..."

"What kind of distorted reality would I want to sleep away from your arms?" I interrupted him. Oliver went to bed with a huge smile and he settled down next to me. I rested my head on his chest and he put his arm around my body holding me tight and very close to him. At that moment, it doesn't seem that three years of my life has been erased. It was like a normal day for me.

My eyes was burning from crying, and there was still more tears streamed down my face, my heart was pounding so fast it felt like it was out of my chest, my hands were shaking. I was in my old apartment with Oliver. On our bed a large suitcase, where I put my clothes all tangled without even looking at them.

"Felicity ... Open the door! We need to talk! You need to listen to me before taking any decision." I heard Oliver said as he pounded the door.

I crouched at floor, I took a deep breath one, two, three… one hundred times in a vain attempt to calm down and take control of the situation. I needed to go out and face Oliver, accept that it was the end of us.

I wiped my tears and got up from the floor, I unlocked the door and I leave the room pushing my suitcase. Oliver was sitting on the couch he got up immediately, coming towards me. I realized that he had been crying too, his gaze was desolate, and I never saw him so miserable in my life. But I could not falter at that time. Because he was responsible for my suffering, it was him who destroyed our marriage.

"Talk to me, please, Felicity" He pleaded with tearful voice. He put himself between me and the living room door. Mentally I counted to ten before responding him I was trying to quell my anger.

"I don't want to talk to you!" I screamed "I'm not able to talk to you right now. I just need to go. Let me go Oliver. Please let me go." I begged him.  
He stepped to the side, out the front door and he lets me go.

"Felicity love ... Wake up!" Oliver rocked me gently trying to wake me up. I was awake but still a little in shock, so it was take me so long to answer him.

"Hi." It was my eloquent answer.

"Hi ..." He said slowly with your eyes analyzing me. "Now tell me…What happened? You were thrashing, speaking my name, and crying so hard" he said as his hand came towards my face to dry some tears.

"It was just a horrible nightmare." I unburdened "We had a fight and I was leaving our home with suitcases, and you let me go." I said emphasizing the last part, when I blame him for the attitudes of Oliver from my dream.

"It was just a nightmare. Everything will be fine. I will not let you go of my life. Never" He said with a look lost. "I promise you." He concluded sealed that promise with a kiss.

I tried to believe him, but deep inside I had the strange feeling that something really bad will happen.

After taking my breakfast, along with my pills for pain, I called Dr. Snow and I explained about my dream. The truth is that I was terrified that this could be a lost memory. She told me to don't be worried about it, that the memories, if they returned, it will happen while I was awake and that my nightmare probably it was just a result of stress, and that I should just rest. Seriously? Was the answer to all just rest? But she said that if I wanted I could do an appointment with a therapist. He would guide me better, and he explains me everything. It made me a little calmer, I would mark an appointment as soon as possible.

I received a call from Sara telling me that she and Nyssa are going to come here later, and they'll bring the wedding photos for me to see. Maybe some memory could return. So this small reunion of friends was asking something special: Pizza and my favorite red wine. Oliver soon cut my happiness saying there is no way I would drink tonight.

When Nyssa and Sara arrived, we all settled in the living room. We expected to get pizza while I saw the pictures in the wedding album. Sara and Nyssa were beautiful brides (yes, the two used dresses). I noticed a pattern in the pictures: The first were just the brides, then with the bridesmaids, me and Nyssa's sister Talia, family and other guests. It was then that I noticed in an absence.

"I do not see Oliver in any of these photos. Did you go?" I asked staring Oliver, he didn't seem to know what to say.

"Oliver was traveling on business. He couldn't arrive at time." Sara answered for him. I accepted the bizarre excuse for now. Whatever happened between the two, it must be serious, because Oliver even went to her wedding. I spent the album photos focusing on faces, most of them I recognized except the relatives of Nyssa, of course. I stopped staring a picture with Sara and her family, father, mother and her old sister Laurel.

"Where is Laurel?" I questioned. We were not best friends, but we were not enemies too. She and Oliver had a relationship in the past, so it was just a matter of marking the territory.

"She is on Japan" Sara said with disinterest. When I was going to ask what Laurel was doing there I was interrupted by the doorbell. Yup, the pizza has arrived! Maybe the food left the things friendlier between Sara and Oliver.

Oliver answered the door and received our pizza, put it on the living room table.

"Sara can you help me bring wine and some glasses?" Oliver asked her politely. And Sara followed him toward the kitchen.

Then I had the idea.

" I'll be back soon Nyssa, I have to go to the bathroom."

She just nodded. I pretended to go to the bathroom, I took that Nyssa was distracted with the wedding photos and I turned toward the kitchen as quietly as I could. I stopped at the entrance and I stood there poking around Oliver's conversation with Sara. I was creating a bad habit. But in my defense, no one tells me anything.

"It's here" said Sara, at the same time and I heard what sounded like a key clink " I took everything it was more essential there."

"Thank you. What about her job?" Oliver asked.

"Well that was weird, she had then fired I didn't have much to do there."

"Thanks again, Sara." I heard the sincerity in his voice.

"Again… I didn't do this for you." She said coldly. I ran to the living room when I realized that the conversation was over and they are coming back, I got there a little breathless. Soon after Oliver and Sara returned with the red wine, and juice for me of course. We ate pizza and talked about banalities, Nyssa and Sara were willing to adopt a baby. They spoke of second honeymoon they are planning...

And suddenly I was comparing my life with Sara and Nyssa, they were together for less time that Oliver and I, and their lives had advanced. While our marriage was just the same as before, nothing happened, except our move to this apartment that I hate.  
And there was that strange conversation between Oliver and Sarah who was hanging around in my mind, making me a bad company for the rest of the night. As soon as Nyssa and Sara left, we went to bed. Oliver asked me several times if I was okay, if I needed something. And I said every time: I'm fine, thank you. But he insisted, he seemed to realize that something was wrong with me. So I decided to open the game, at least, part of it.

"Oliver, we have been married for four years. I'm already almost thirty years." I Said the age in disgust "I imagined my life a little differently."

"Different like…?" He asked a little unsure.

"Children, a home without so much stainless steel to start" I let out the truth. Oliver opened a huge smile. He turned his body over mine, supporting his weight on his arms and kissing me softly.

"So that's what is bothering you. Do not worry about that, baby. We have how many children you want. We moved to a house in the well rustic field. I'll do anything to make you happy."

Oliver was serious. And there was a different gleam in his eyes, which seemed hope, perhaps.

I fell asleep thinking of the prospects of my future with Oliver. I should have good dreams, but instead of it, I was haunted by the same nightmare from last night.

* * *

 **Notes:**

So... What do you think?

Again... I know that my english is not so good, but I'll be really glad if you tell me when I make a mistake.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi! I'm ashamed.**

 **I'm so sorry! I shouldn't do you wait so much for this chapter. It has been very difficult to me translate my fanfiction by myself! But I am trying my best, ok? Don't give up on me! I promise you, from know I'll update a new chapter once a week.**

* * *

 **Chapter 3 - All of me**

 **'** **Cause all of me**

 **Loves** **all of you**

 **Love your curves and all your edges**

 **All your perfect imperfections**

 **Give your all to me**

 **I'll give my all to you**

 **You're my end and my beginning**

 **Even when I lose I'm winning**

 **'** **Cause I give you all, all of me**

 **And you give me all, all of you**

 **(All of me - Jonh legend)**

 **FELICITY SMOAK**

Next week was just perfect. Oliver was really devoted in his promise to make new memories. He had taken a few days off at Queen Consolidated and he gave the responsibility to the Vice President. I said to him that it wasn't necessary, that I was fine. But he insisted, and honestly I do not know if I can say no to Oliver Queen.

We take this time to go to the amusement park (but Oliver did not let me ride in the bumper cars, I think he was traumatized by my accident). We were also to the cinema, we ate popcorn and we watched a romance movie. It was just a typical of valentines' dates.

I was still suspicious with the strange conversation between Oliver and Sara, and as much as I asked him, he always changed the subject or claimed to be all right between two of them. Unfortunately Sara was traveling to work, and although she called me every day wondering if I was okay (seriously she called me every single day, it is kind of annoying!) I did not want to talk about it with her by phone.

The nightmares continued with the same frequency, every night, without fail. I always woke up in tears, the only benefit was to wake up next to Oliver, and so I realized quickly how absurd the bad dream was.

Oliver tried to hide it, but I saw in his face, the look of fear that he threw me every morning after the bad dream. He hugged me tight to his chest and he said that "everything will be fine" "I'll always be here" "I love you" and he gave me lots of kisses. Every time he did that I felt he was trying to calm himself more than me.

So I decided it was time for me to consult with the analyst that Dr. Snow indicated me. Someone calls Doctor Loco (Yes, this is his last name), to put an end in this nightmare it was trying steal my happiness.

"So... Felicity Smoak Queen." He said looking at clipboard with my name. "I saw here in your medical history that you had a car accident, and you had a retrograde amnesia."

"Exactly. I cannot remember anything of the last three years."

"Good, good, good ..." He said with his eyes on my record's file.

That made me angry. How could it be good? Hello! I forgot the last three years of my life. Three years do not come back. PUFF, they had gone, they just disappeared as a Harry Potter's spells.

He seemed to notice my face, then he continued:

"That's good, because the loss of memories superior to six months suggest an emotional trauma."

"But I can not remember anything that I would like to forget. Oh! I got it." I said taking one hand to my head. The doctor laughed at my inflection. And I grimaced, I was enjoying less and less of that conversation.

"Did you say that you have had a recurring dream? " He asked.

"Yes I did, it's more like a nightmare."

"Could it be a stretch of some memory?"

I froze. Dr. Snow assured me, they were just nightmares, stress results. But it was before it happened again. And again. And again.

Dr. Loco asked me the question that I've refused to face. Could they be real? No doubt they could be, I mean there were no elephants dancing macarena or anything unreal like that. But I did not want to believe they could be real. Because all the time we have been together, our greatest fight was because the last piece of pizza, and in the end Oliver always let me win. So it does not make any sense.

"My husband told me that it is impossible, the events of my dream never happened." I opted for the safe answer. "He would not lie to me about it."

Dr. Loco joined eyebrows while he analyzed me. And he continued:

"Is there something annoying you at the moment? Something that could may have triggered the nightmare?" He questioned.

"Well, there's the fact that my best friend and my husband didn't talk with each other, and they are lying to me about it.

"And how do you feel about it?" Really? A typical analyst phrase. Freud would be proud of Dr. Loco.

"Hurt. First, because obviously they fought, and second because they pretend that it's all right in front of me, but I've heard several secret talks between the two of them and it is clear that they are not well. And besides, my husband Oliver was even present at her wedding day…" I chatted. Unburden it was good.

"Do you have the habit of snooping people's conversation?" He asked with a straight face.

I say that everybody lies to me and how much it hurts me, and the only thing he pays attention is the fact that I'm listening to other people's conversation. I decided to reverse the game:

"What is it relation with my nightmares? How does it help me recover my memory or to put an end in the bad dream?

A little clock on his desk beeped.

"Time is over, we continue at the next session." He said smiling.

I was very angry with that pretentious analyst, he gave me no answer and he even suggested that I was poking around an eavesdropper (which to be honest, it was true). I left his office very angry, I came across Oliver waiting for me, he was very anxious.

"So… how was it?" He asked curious.

"Useless" I answered "Dr. Loco is really crazy."

Oliver laughed looking relieved.

"I'm sure, it was not that bad."

"He suggested that my loss memory can be emotional. He said that I may suffer such an emotional trauma in the past that I decided to forget everything."

Oliver was uncomfortable. He seemed to want to say something, but he did not know exactly how to say it. Then out of nowhere his expression was naughty.

"We should go home, there is something there that could may improve your mood."

Oliver insisted on close my eyes as he opened the apartment's door. Not that it made much difference, the minute I set foot in the house I felt the aroma of Italian food and my stomach was already happy.

When Oliver pulled his hand over my eyes I was blown away, the entire house was filled with white roses and candles, soft music played in the background and the dining room table was set for two. I recognized immediately, everything was exactly the way when Oliver had asked me to marry him years ago.

"What is all this, Oliver?"

"I can't believe you forgot!" He looked at me doing an offended face.

And then the realization came to me, white roses, Italian food, soft music...

"Shit." I cursed. "In my defense, I forgot a lot of things!" I justified myself.

"There is no excuse for you forget our anniversary of four years of marriage."

"I'm so sorry." I said ashamed.

"You can make up later." Oliver gave me a smile.

"I will." I said smiling back to him.

Dinner by candlelight was perfect, the food was divine. We talked about lots of things, we remember our first date, our first time, our honeymoon. We were at dessert when Oliver pulled a red velvet box from his pocket and he slid it across the table toward me.

"Oliver, I did not buy anything to you ..." I said.

"I know. So I also did not buy anything." He said staring at me with a clear expectation in the eyes.

I opened the box and...

"Oliver..." Inside a golden ring glittered, not just any golden ring, but my wedding ring. "I thought that it was lost in the car accident." I stared dumbfounded.

"Felicity Smoak Queen," Oliver said going around the table and he put himself on his knees in front of me. He pulled out of the box my wedding ring. "From the first time I saw you, you were biting a red pen, I knew I had found the woman of my life. All the time we were together, I was a better man, a happy man. You appeared and you filled a space that I never suspected it was empty, I did not even know it existed. Your love changed me. And that's why, to I do not came back to that empty and cold man that I was one day, I have to ask you: Do you want to stay married to me for the next hundred years? And if the answer is yes I promise always to love you, no matter what.

I had tears in my eyes. He made the same speech when he asked me to marry him in the past. The same way. Every promise. Every word. I was delighted that he still remembered.

If anything had changed since the accident, it was my love for Oliver Queen. I was even more passionate than I was three years ago. So I say yes! Again! I'll always say yes to him!

"How did you get it back? I thought I had lost in the accident." I said excitedly, as he put the ring back on my finger.

"Doesn't matter, the important thing is that it is back in the place it belongs to." He told me, with love overflowing eyes.

I felt so many emotions at the same time, I did not know what to say, so I stopped trying to verbalize my feelings. And I proceeded to live them.

I got up from the chair throwing me in his arms. It was a salty kiss because happy tears would not stop streaming down my face. We were completely delivered to the moment. My body ached for his, our lips didn't accept be separated by a second. It was nerve-racking how much I needed Oliver, every little touch seemed to burn, every caress left me in the clouds. I'm not sure when our clothes had gone, but I remember accuracy Oliver picked me up and put me on the bed. And then… Then everything was right again.

For the first time I did not have that horrible dream. If sex with Oliver was the remedy for that, I accepted the treatment with pleasure!

I could not stop smiling and remembering last night. The touches, the vows of love. Every cellule in my body felt alive, as if I had awakened from a long sleep. I was ready, restored, lively and happy, mostly l was happy.

Oliver was still sleeping quietly next to me, he had a slight, satisfied face. I get out of bed carefully trying not to wake him, I grabbed his shirt from the floor and I wear it. I went to the kitchen and I started to make coffee when I heard the sound of a cell phone. It was Oliver's cell phone, it was on the bench, I ran up to him and I read the message that flashed on the display:

"I found something that can help you.

I think you may be right after all.

We need to talk as soon as I get back to Starling City.

Sara. "

It was getting hard to keep up. One time they do not even speak, another they exchanged text messages. I was determined to tweak the phone, and I would have done if he had not begun to ring in my hand and Oliver had not come to the door.

Oliver came towards me and gave me a kiss on the forehead, he wish me good day, he took the phone from my hand and he left the room to answer it. When he returned he seemed a little upset.

"They need me at the company, today it the annual shareholders meeting. I'm sorry, I wanted to spend all day with you!" He said hugging me. "But Walter said it is essential to me be there, and the vice president."

"So… Will Isabel Rochev be there?" I asked as nonchalantly. I hated her and her model legs always creeping up on Oliver.

"No. She won't ". He said picking up the cup of coffee that I gave him . "She's not vice president anymore. We discovered she was diverting company money, she was fired and arrested. After that, Walter Steel took her place as vice president. He's dating my mother.

I pretended to drink my coffee, trying not to express my thoughts. Walter was a good person a pity he was dating Oliver's mother. Moira Queen was a person as sweet as a lemon. I knew it on the first time Oliver introduced me to her as his girlfriend and after that she tried to pay me to break up with him, two million dollars. The proposal has risen to ten million dollars when he asked me to marry him.

"Wait… is Isabel Rochev on jail? And you just tell me it now!? We should drink to that." I said raising my cup of coffee and toasting with Oliver's cup.

"I hate leaving you here alone."

"Maybe I could go with you. Not for the meeting of course, just go to the company. I promise to be quiet until the meeting is over. And from there we can have lunch outside." I said pouting.

At the end, with my pout I was able to convince Oliver to take me to the company, this joined with the fact that he did not want to leave me alone at home. I was waiting for him to return from the Walter's room when a woman with short blond hair pulled up in front of me. Moira Queen, my nothing adorable mother in law.

"Felicity, my dear! What do you doing here? Oliver did not tell me that you had returned." She said and the tone of surprise was palpable.

What kind of strange sentence was that? As we travelled and returned now, or at some point we were apart... And now we come back again? She meant returning from the hospital, right? It has to be that.

Just when I would respond to her, I saw Oliver out of the elevator with a terrified face. And a few seconds later he was already on my side.

"Mother? " He asked sound worried.

"I did not know you and Felicity ..." She tried to say, but was abruptly interrupted by Oliver.

"Did you came to the meeting of shareholders?" He asked.

The eyebrows of Miss Queen joined in clear perception that something wrong was going on.

"Yes, I did." She said slowly.

"Great, I have some papers that you need to sign before it. Let's go to my office." He said taking his mother to his room. And away from me.

I think the analyst was right when he said that I like to snoop around people. It was a pity that Oliver's room be made by glass walls, so I could not just listening behind the door. I also was not good at lip reading so I had to settle in and just understand gestures. So I can say whatever Oliver was talking to his mother, I guarantee, she did not like it.

The meeting with the shareholder seemed it would take, so I was in Oliver's room searching on google "Retrospective 2014," I needed to upgrade and distract me too.

I almost fell off my chair when scare Laurel entered the room without knocking.

"Ollie I..." She stopped to notice that I was there and not Ollie.

"Oh "she said. "Felicity! It is a surprise to find you here."

"I thought you were in Japan." I said, and I forgot to be polite.

"Japan? Of course not." She seemed to ponder what to say. "I really need to talk to Oliver. Do you know if it will take a long time?"

"It is the annual meeting of shareholders, so I think yes, it will take a long time." I said dryly.

"I understand... I have to travel today and I really need to talk to him. Explain some things. Can you please pass him my new number?"

"Of course I can" I said, and I picked up the paper.

She thanked me and before she leaves the room she said to me:

"Look, I just hope that everything that happened between us in the past, stay in the past. I am very sorry that things have ended the way it ended."

I smiled, I had no idea what she was talking about, my body was shaking with anger. I felt better when I tore the paper with her number in thousands of pieces.

* * *

 **NOTES: So... Was the chapter good? Do you like it? Let me know what you think of it!**


	4. Chapter 4

Notes: Hey! I'm back with a surprise =D

I remember that I made a trailer for this fanfiction sometime ago, it's not perfect and unfortunatelly is on portuguese, but if you want to see... /pYTI5I_wjLY

I hope you like it, the trailer and the chapter!

* * *

 **Chapter 4** **: There's no life after you**

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter

As long as I'm laughing with you

I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after

After the life we've been through

'Cause I know there's no life after you

(life after you - Daughtry)

 **FELICITY SMOAK**

I really wanted to ask Oliver what Laurel was doing at Queen Consolidated. Why did she come into his office without knocking, and she called him "Ollie"? But I could not do this without assuming that she had been here at Queen Consolidated. And definitely, I would not tell him that!

What did she want say by "everything that happened between us" and "very sorry that things have ended the way it ended"? It suggested that she and I had some disagreement in the past. I had to think of a way to broach the subject with Sara later.

I was so caught up in my thoughts that I did not even notice when Oliver walked into the room.

"Finally free!" He smiled, he came to me and pulled me to his arms. "Now I'm all yours." He paused "at least until 8 pm." He said with a guilty in his voice.

I arched my eyebrows, it did not look good.

"My mother invited us to dinner at the mansion tonight." He said apologetically.

I sighed. Dinners at Queen Mansion meant very chic clothes and very rich people I've never met before. In my first one of those dinners I managed to break one of those old jars, I knocked over a waiter and his tray of glass and even I poured a glass of red wine in the dress of my mother in law.

Oliver seemed to notice my displeasure because soon he explained:

"Relax baby. It will be only the family this time." He said trying to convince me with lots of little kisses. "And I will ask to anyone come near you with a glass of wine."

I took a bite on his lip when he said it.

"Okay." I said, I wasn't much happier with this, but… What else can I do?

We left the Q.C. and we had lunch at a restaurant near there, Oliver wanted enjoying our free time walking through the park and eating an ice cream. But I vetoed the idea, not that I did not want to spend time with him, but I wanted to start dressing up soon, dinner at Queen's house even if only with family, it was always intimidating.

I took a shower, dried my hair leaving them free and make up myself. I did not know what to wear, so I was changing dresses every minute. As Oliver was already ready he was just lying in bed watching me while I proved lots of dresses.

I could not choose between two dresses, one was blue and the other was red. I held each of them in one hand and I questioned Oliver about what was the best choice.

His eyes instead of looking at the dresses, they admired my body with lust.

"In fact, I think the way you look now is perfect." He said hoarsely.

His eyes were pure desire, and unconsciously I felt hot and my cheeks flushed. Oliver had seen me a countless times without clothes, but still every time he threw me this look was impossible for me not to feel a little embarrassed at the same time satisfied.

He smiled to see the effect he causes on me, and he broke the distance between us he pulled me to bed with him.

"Oliver! Stop!" I rebuked him "We're going to be late!"

But then he kissed me. And it was enough. And we really delayed.

We arrived at intimidating Queen's Mansion. Everything was huge, sumptuous and expensive. I was sure a carpet that house was worth more than my salary. Who do I want to cheat? No doubt the carpet was worth more than two years of my wages.

Surprisingly dinner was pleasant. I was introduced to Thea's boyfriend, Roy, he looked like a good guy and it was the first time I saw Thea really in love. Moira was friendly with me at first. So much friendly, it was strange, but I think maybe after four years, maybe she finally accepted my marriage with her son. Or maybe because my amnesia she was just being polite. I bet on the second option.

Thea was very curious about my amnesia and every time she asked me something I saw Oliver throw her a glare. Speaking of Oliver, he was tenser than me! He didn't leave me even for a minute and he was playing with my hand under the table.

"Thea, how long are you and Roy together?" I asked her trying to make the conversation a little more interesting.

"We are together for almost two years." The two answered at the same time and they smiled to each other. It was cute.

"Wait… Did I already know Roy?" I asked her, something was strange because Roy acted like it was the first time we met.

"Well, actually we..." Roy started to answer me when he let out a "Owww"

"Of course you already know Roy!" Thea answered by Roy and he just nodded.

"Felicity" Moira said addressing me, and change the subject "What will you do when your health improve?"

"In fact I already feel much better. I think I can go back to work soon. I imagined that the QC I.T.'s department is a mess without me." I said.

Oliver shot me a look that seemed to say "You just go back to work over my dead body." I look at that and I ignored completely. I was not a woman to stay at home while my husband goes out to work.

"That would be good. Maybe you can take Oliver with you, because in recent weeks he has ignored his duty as CEO." She said looking straight at Oliver, who fidgeted uncomfortably on the chair next to me.

I quickly realized what she meant to say, she was blamed me for the absence of Oliver in the company.

Thea realizing the tension and immediately she changed the subject.

"So Felicity… What did you and Oliver have been on the apartment? It's been what ... a few weeks? And this is the first time we met since your accident.

I was drinking water when she said it, it was inevitable choke me before so discreet hint of it.

"We are working on her recovery, Speedy." Oliver answered for me, with a wry smile.

Thea seemed satisfied with the answer immediately because a rare smile came over her face.

The rest of the dinner went smoothly and without incident. That means if you leave the fork fall under the table, and when you try to get it you hit your head on the table and you make a glass of red wine spill on. It doesn't count as incident, so everything ended well!

Thank God the dinner was over early, we said goodbye to everyone and when we were going, I saw Thea running toward me, and I was caught completely surprise by his loving embrace.

"I missed you. Thank you for making Ollie happy again." She whispered in my ear.

We got home at ten o'clock and I was not even a bit tired. I think the glass of wine I took in dinner (smuggled by Thea, since Oliver did not let me drink anything) it made me more alert.

The first thing I did was take the high-heeled shoes that were killing me. I think Oliver heard my groaning in pain because immediately took me by the arms and carried me to our room putting me on the bed.

"I didn't tell you how tempting you are in that red dress." He said looking deep into my eyes and kissing me intently, his hands crept on my dress while I tore the buttons of his shirt with desperation. Things were going fast. But the phone rang and interrupted our time.

"Let's ring ..." I said between our kisses.

But Oliver took of the pants pocket his phone and he looked at the display.

"I need to answer it, love." He said softening the kiss, as if that could make my heart slow down too.

And he went out leaving me alone in bed.

When Oliver returned I noticed that expression on his face was serious. I sat up in bed and asked immediately:

"Did something happen?"

"I have to go to QC." He said with a look a bit vague.

Seriously ten o'clock? I was disappointed. I wanted to tell him not to go, I wanted him to stay here with me, but I remembered Moira saying it was my fault Oliver's neglect with the company's family, so I didn't said nothing.

"I'm sorry, it's urgent. I'll try not to take too much time" He said and gave me a kiss on the forehead.

As soon as Oliver came out I started to wander around the apartment, I don't want to sleep, I wanted to be awake when he came back to us ... huh ... finish what we started. I stopped at the door of what should be Oliver's office. It was pretty simple, there was only one desk with a notebook and a bookcase with some books.

I look over the shelves trying to recognize some of my books, I had several of them on a variety of issues, but none of them was there. I felt my heart race when I saw my wedding album, I removed it from there, but in doing some papers fell into it and spread on the floor.

I reached down to pick them up and put it back in place when my eyes focused on that document was.

I felt my heart stop for a second and everything turn around me. I sat on the floor. This could not be real.

My hands were shaking so much and my heart was wildly. I tried to hold back the tears, but they came anyway. I had read it ten times, and I didn't understand how that document could exist. Well, actually I understand, I just didn't want to accept that now everything was incredibly clear.

Oliver still took 10 minutes to come back, but these were the ten minutes longer in my life.

I waited for him patiently sitting on the couch, I was trying to keep calm and rational. When the room door opened, I immediately stood up and I stared at Oliver. He probably realized on my expression that things were not ok.

"Oliver Queen, what are these papers?" I asked him angrily.

 **OLIVER QUEEN**

I was in my office at Queen Consolidated, it was late and probably more than eleven o'clock. But since Felicity left me three years ago, I had lived to work. I tried to fight for her, I tried to explain what really had happened, but she didn't hear me. Just grabbed his bags and left, leaving me devastated. The look on her face when she said goodbye destroyed me in a way I never imagined it was possible.

I think I loved that girl since the first time I saw her, in I.T. department, she was biting a red pen. There was something innocent in the way she spoke to me in such a mess, but at the same time so fascinating. I found myself going to her office with the most bizarre excuses. I reached the absurd to spill coffee on my laptop so she can fix it, only to see her decentralize in front of me. It did not take long for me to ask her to go in a date. And after that everything was perfect.

It was a beautiful beginner. A wonderful relationship. And a horrible break up.

Shortly after Felicity let me I discovered that she was living in Central City and she was working for the meddlesome Ray Palmer. She was starting again.

I found myself forced to continue life without her. So I became more active at Queen Consolidated, I took over as CEO, like my mother insisted. I even though this work was not for me, but at least I can keep my mind busy. That was my life after Felicity, work, work, work.

Her absence in my life had become an embittered man. Until the night I received the call from the hospital.

I saw Felicity in a hospital bed and it broke me inside. She was so pale, helpless and hurt and I could not do anything to help her. I felt useless. As the doctors told me that she was recovering well and even had wake up once and talked to them, I had to see with my own eyes. I needed to hear her voice, I needed to see her cheeks blush, to make sure that she was fine.

I was sitting on the couch in the corner of the room, I wanted to get closer to her, I wanted hold her hand, touch her golden hair, but I was terrified of her reaction when she saw me there. Will she kick me out? Will she pretend that I don't exist?

But nothing in the world prepared me for the moment she opened her eyes and called me love. It hurt, I heard her say those words, she reminded me that I don't have her in my life anymore. I approached slowly, hesitantly, I was still worry that any moment she might freak out with my presence there. But no, she acted like she was happy to see me, it made my heart full with a hope that I've never allowed myself before.

When she began to question me about the ring, I realized that something was wrong. And when Dr. Snow confirmed my suspicions, I was unsure what I should do.

She was Felicity from three years ago, Felicity who loved me, who believed that we were a happy couple. I could not tell the truth. I could not be who hurt her again, I could not tell her that we were no longer together. I could not bear to cause her such pain. I could not be the reason for her suffering again.

I was selfish, I assume it. I saw a chance to show her how much I still loved her and that we could be happy together. And maybe show her my side of the story. I knew this was a bad idea, lying to her was a risk, if tomorrow Felicity woke up and remembered everything she'll hate me even more.

But that was a risk I would assume. I would do anything for her. For us. For our love.

There was a small part of me, some not very noble, I recognize. That part would like that she never remember. What I wish was be capable to erase that part of our past and live our little fairy tale again.

There was only one problem. Sara. She was not my biggest fan in the world. She cut relations with me when Felicity left me. When I called her and explained about the accident and the amnesia, she immediately appeared at the hospital ready to kill me.

I tried to explain to Sara that we could not just throw the bomb on Felicity and it would be better to count things slowly for her.

Sara was reluctant to accept my idea, but after talking a bit with Felicity she relented. With one condition: if I hurt Felicity, she will kill me slowly and painfully and no one ever will find my body.

I was convinced that I was doing the right thing until the moment Felicity showed me our photo, saying that she carried it to everywhere. That was a habit from old Felicity, but Felicity from now? She hates me. So why did she have a picture of our wedding in her pocket's pants ?

It was then that I realized. She still cared about me. Perhaps even she loves me. Maybe there was a chance. I clung to that thought and everything I did from then, it was because of it.

And it ended up being an endless snowball.

Felicity had on her eyes a flame of hatred, I had only seen it once in my life, on the day she left me.

"So Oliver, will you tell me what it means or should I read to you?

* * *

Notes: I'll update soon! ;)


End file.
